06 Mar Mediating Between Benjamin Netanyahu & Nuclear Iran Part 1 of 2
My imaginary mediation between Benjamin Netanyahu and a Nuclear Iran goes something like this…
Mediator Keith Brady: Everything you say is confidential .
Iranian President Hassan Rouhani: Do you mean like my secret nuclear negotiations with President Obama?
Mediator Keith Brady: Well, kind of but it stays confidential. Are you comfortable with me referring to by your nicknames?
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: Yes, I like Bibi. I was called that by my Cornell Professor Father as well as when I attended high school in Cheltenham, Pennsylvania and later when I attended M.I.T. and Harvard.
Mediator Keith Brady: OK, although that is probably not information that will help us move these negotiations forward.
Iranian President Hassan Rouhani: You can call me The Diplomat Sheikh. I got that name when I was a negotiating nuclear arms agreements. I feel the nickname humanizes me. Yet, when I ran for the presidency of Iran I centered my campaign on the slogan moderation and wisdom.
Mediator Keith Brady: Again, thank you, but let’s try to stay focused. Now, do both of you have the authority to settle, that is sign an agreement on behalf of your country?
Iranian President Hassan Rouhani: No, I would need approval from Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Hosseini Khamenei.
Mediator Keith Brady: I meant do you have the legal authority, not withstanding your deference to a religious figure?
Iranian President Hassan Rouhani: No. Our supreme leader, Ali Hosseini Khamenei, is more than a religious leader. His legal authority comes from our constitution.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: I have to win the Israeli election on March 17 but I should win fairly easily. That is, my coalition will retain control of the Knesset then choose me as prime minister again.
Mediator Keith Brady: One more time, that is great information but not needed here. What do you two not understand about staying focused? Let’s move on. What are your opening positions?
Iranian President Hassan Rouhani: Wiping Israel off the face of the map. We’re excited about this. All our students already have maps without Israel. We’re way ahead of the trend on this. Its like having i-phone 7’s <external link> already.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: We can’t surrender the option of a preemptive strike if Israel wants to avoid a nuclear attack.
Mediator Keith Brady: OK, let’s separate you two.